If this is your first interactive toy: start with the Lovense Max 2. It is the cheapest way to find out whether hands-free is for you, and it still does suction, vibration and sync.
If VR is the actual point: Solace Pro or The Handy 2. Both are built around scene sync rather than treating it as a bonus feature. Check that the platform you already use is supported before you order.
If you want it to surprise you: Autoblow AI Ultra. The AI mode is the only one here that changes technique without being told to.
If long distance is the real reason: anything Lovense. Partner control from another phone is what that ecosystem does best. App controlled and long distance toys covers the rest of it.
If you are looking at these to break a habit: death grip syndrome covers what actually helps, and a device with variable speed is genuinely part of it.
On upkeep: clean it the day you use it. These have more parts than a sleeve, they cost far more to replace, and left dirty they degrade faster. Water-based lube only unless the manual says otherwise.