If a wand has felt like too much: put fabric between you and it. Through underwear or a folded sheet takes the edge off far better than dropping to the lowest setting does, because the issue is contact area rather than speed.
If you want the most power available: full size, and plug-in if you can live with a cord. Corded wands still beat rechargeable ones at the top end, and they never die partway through.
If it is going in a suitcase: a mini or a micro. A full-size wand is a foot long and reads as exactly what it is to anyone who opens the bag. The discreet vibrators page is sorted for this.
If a partner is holding it: the handle is the whole point. Reach and angle without a cramped wrist is what makes a wand work for two people where a small toy does not.
If you are not sure a wand is right: bullet vs wand lays out the trade honestly, and how to use a wand covers the first session.
On attachments and lube: water based only if the head is silicone. Silicone lube degrades silicone. See water based lubricants.